Chronicles of war: Story of the adoptive family from Mariupol

In 2012, Olga Polomarchuk from Mariupol and her husband adopted children for the first time, boys 1 and 3 years old.  Today, there are ten children, from 2 to 15 in the family-type orphanage.  There are nine boys and a girl, among them children with severe forms of disability. The two oldest, Yuliya and Myroslav, recently graduated from college.

On February 24, 2022, when Russia launched a full-scale invasion of Ukraine, the family did not dare to immediately evacuate their family orphanage because of the children's health–and they experienced three of the most horrible weeks of their lives. The family eventually managed to evacuate from the hell of Mariupol and settle in a new place.

                                                 They lived like a happy family

"When we adopted the first two boys, the younger one had hypotrophy. The older one also had health problems ;  he could not walk well and did not speak. So for the first five years after the adoption, we took care of the children's health so that they could go to school and rehabilitate,” said Olga Polomarchuk.

When the parents realized that their son's rehabilitation was successful, they also decided to adopt a girl.

"We realized that our family lacks a daughter. We went to the Mariupol Children's Service. But we were told that currently there are no girls for adoption, but there are many boys, and such an option as creating a family-type orphanage is possible,”  said Olga.

For some time, the family considered it an important step and weighed all the pros and cons. And finally, they dared.  "We decided this way: maybe we won't be able to give something to the children, but they will be in a family. They will have a mother and a father," Olga explained.

Thus, four years ago, teenage boys and children with various forms of mental disorders, who had little chance of adoption by most, appeared in the family.  A family-type orphanage is a big family, mom, and dad, who are always close to the children. In a residential institution, even the best children do not have one specific adult attend to them. There are only various people who come and leave. 

“For example, what’s our normal day? I go to the children's rooms: ‘Danya, Lyosha, get up. It's time to have breakfast and go to school.’  I'll hug them, say, ‘Good morning.’ There is contact with loved ones who are always around," the mother-educator continued.

Olga has watched how children in the residential system live for a long time.

"During my studies, I had an internship at a similar institution. They told me: 'This is a children's house. Children stay here until the age of 3.' Then, from age six, the child moves to another boarding school, which usually has a school facility, too.

“Do you understand what is happening to the child? This is attachment trauma. People who interact with the child are constantly changing. Any connections are guaranteed to be broken. Only your peers are around you. You don't have seniors or juniors. You don't have obligations or agreements. You don't know how to build communication. An eternal fence, an eternal yard," Olga detailed.

They lived as a happy family, cared for each other, thought about higher education for their older children, and planned for the future–until the Russians shattered their plans.

                                                        War: the beginning

On February 24, when Russia launched a full-scale invasion of Ukraine, the family did not immediately realize what had happened. Then, well-fortified Mariupol seemed like a fortress. At that time, no one had any idea what kind of hell the Russian army would create in the city.

"On February 24, I was going to work, and I didn't watch the news. I already had learned on the bus that a full-scale war had begun," Olga recalled.

At the time, her two children were in a sanatorium on the coast. Olga came to work, saw people who were just as frightened as she was, wrote an application for leave without pay, and ran to the sanatorium on a walk since there was no public transportation or taxis. After all, at that time, the Russian Army was already shelling the Primorsky District of Mariupol.

"I ran, took the children, and explained to them on the way: if the shelling starts, don't look for some clean place, but just fall on the road and cover your head. We ran so fast along the road and we were very afraid. Fortunately, an empty bus stopped nearby, which was rushing somewhere, and they drove us straight to the house," Olga said.

At home, Olga calmed down a little."Natalia Krasilnikova called us from the local children's service (she later, unfortunately, died), saying that there was an opportunity to evacuate, and asked if we were ready.  You see, we have a boy with severe autism, and for him, any change is very painful. We discussed it and decided to stay,” Olga added.

She continued: “For some reason, there was hope that everything would end in a day or two. So we refused to evacuate. We bought groceries, and our house in the private sector has a basement. We thought we would make it.”

On February 28, the Ukrainian military came to this beautiful house on the outskirts of the city and told us to pack our belongings and leave. “The Russian Army will break through right here,” a soldier told us.

"We contacted Natalia Krasilnikova again, and she helped us find a car, and a volunteer came. It was an ordinary car. We put our grandmother, younger children, and a very small amount of things there. Again, we expected to be gone for two days, Olga said.  Finally, they came to the boarding school building, where the children were evacuated. And that's where we spent 20 of the most horrible days of our lives," Olga added.

A dead body in a sandbox and a bomb in a drama theater

There was no water, electricity, or heating. The besieged city swallowed up the hope for a quick rescue. A family that had children with severe disabilities had to survive in these conditions: constant shelling, fear, cooking food (which still had to be found somewhere) on a bonfire in the open air, and searching for water.

"There was no place where we could hide from shelling because it was a typical building based on the principle of a kindergarten: many windows, a lot of glass, and a basement that was entirely unsuitable for protection against shelling–and even more so aerial bombs.

We didn't even go into the basement because we understood: if it collapsed, there would be no way out. So we were sitting in another room, all together.  If we die, let's all go together," said Olga.

The most difficult thing was to explain to the children why they could not eat and drink to their heart's content, as in peacetime. Also, finding water and food, especially given the constant shelling, was very hard. Also, one son had special dietary concerns,” Olga said.

"This is the case when you say to the elders: h

\Here's a glass of water for you, and you can't drink anymore because you have to leave the water for the very little ones. We melted snow and went with my eldest son to the Kalmius River to get water, and it was terrible because corpses were

lying on the bank,” Olga recalled.

In general, there were a lot of dead. Someone was buried in the nearby sandpit. They covered the pit with a carpet," Olga said.

She remembered one incident from shopping for groceries. "The Ukrainian military opened one of the shops so that people could buy some food. And then, I was constantly walking around with documents to explain that I have ten children.”

So that day, I told a soldier that one of my sons had a severe gluten allergy. He answered me: "Go to the warehouse. Whatever you can take is yours."

“Only my 13-year-old son was with me. And I said, ‘Lenya, come on, help me.’ And he grabbed a bag of potatoes in the dark, shouting: ‘Mom, can Roma have some potatoes?’  A pack of potatoes on the boy's back,” , but they Olga remembered.

They also went to the drama theater to fetch water. On March 16, Russian aircraft destroyed the Mariupol Drama Theater along with people trying to save themselves in the building. Olga and her husband were also there, but they got away in time.

"Tankers delivered water. We were late for one tanker that day , and the next one was supposed to arrive in about twenty minutes. In addition, the Ukrainian military set up a field kitchen there for the people. Then, on March 16, the Russian military shelled Mariupol very heavily, and I suggested to my husband to move away from the theater to the yard and wait there. This is what saved us,” Olga said.

“As soon as we reached the yard of the residential high-rise buildings, a terrible explosion rang out: a Russian plane dropped a bomb on the drama theater. The bombing happened when a lot of people came to the field kitchen and also to get water," Olga cried.

The road through minefields destroyed villages, and Russian checkpoints

Due to the lack of cell phone communication, people could not receive information about what was happening in the city, except by word-of-mouth. "We heard that there was supposed to be an evacuation by buses from the drama theater to Zaporizhzhia. We grabbed the children and ran there. We saw a crowd. Many people came for the evacuation. However, there was no evacuation,” Olga said.

The Ukrainian military and the police approached us and persuaded us to leave, saying that no evacuation was actually planned. But every ten days, we went to the drama theater as if we were going to work. We hoped,”  said Olga.

Waiting was unbearable: the shelling intensified, and there was no heat, food, or water. Finally, therefore, on March 10, people began to leave Mariupol.

“There was a church near the drama theater where you could get in touch with others, and the people who remained called those who had left to find out if they had managed to escape. Their relatives were standing nearby, asking if they were alive, and when they heard that they had survived and were already safe, they cried.

The Russian army fired upon the cars. They could let them through the checkpoints. It was very scary," Olga said.

Time was running out, the blockade continued, and the children needed care and medicine, It was impossible to wait any longer. A happy accident helped to leave Mariupol.

"Another adoptive family offered us to go together. We didn't fit in the cars, and they just threw out their own things so that we could sit. Thus, two huge families, 26 people, were able to go in two cars. They drove through Russian checkpoints. We deleted all the photos, and nothing remained," said Olga.

During this terrible time, Olga became convinced of the strength of the spirit of Ukrainians. In a Russian-occupied village near Berdyansk, all 26 exhausted people were taken into homes by the residents.  They gave them water, food, and overnight accommodation. In general, the two families met support, help, and kind words from ordinary Ukrainians everywhere in the hell of the occupation.

We had to drive through minefields, destroyed villages, and past burned areas. Meanwhile, the Russian military questioned them at the checkpoints, asking why they were so scared.

"They asked, "Why are you so scared? You were bombed only for 20 days, and you are already running somewhere," the woman remembered.

      "One part of life has passed, and the next has begun"

Finally, two families saw Ukrainian roadblocks and the national flag in the Zaporizhzhia region. Olga could not hold back her tears. 

"Ukrainian soldiers greeted us and gave the children candies through the vehicle's windows. I had the impression that one part of life had passed and the next had begun. We are alive. We survived. The children are all intact," Olga shared.

After arriving in Zaporizhzhia, Olga appealed to the head of the board of the Ukrainian Network for Children's Rights, Daria Kasyanovla, for help.

"It was on March 17 or 18. I asked Daria what we should do next. And she gave me the contact of a woman called Larisa Petushkova, who coordinated our further evacuation.

The evacuation train took us from Dnipro to Lviv. We were escorted by the police at the station. A certain corridor was made for us so that Maxim, my son with autism, could enter the train through this crowd. We were in a sea of ​​people,” added Olga.

My husband and Maxim stood the whole way on the fastening between the cars because there were 12 people in the compartment, and there was also no way to push through the hall. We were able to put only the youngest children in the compartment," she said.

Lviv volunteers asked the family about further plans.  "At that time, we did not want to leave Ukraine. Only Rava-Ruska could accommodate such a large family in one house. But this is a small town where we would not have been able to receive urgent and specialized medical care, and two of our children needed it immediately and regularly,” Olga said.

“Therefore, we went to Switzerland, and Larisa Petushkova helped us with the coordination. Everything was very well organized," added Olga.  The family has been living in Switzerland for three months.

"We are one of six families living in the same house. This is a former home for the elderly. Three families from Mariupol, two families from Poltava, and a family from Kherson. All with adopted children. There are 60 people here,” Olga noted.

She continued, “We organize our life, although we all have only three toilets and one kitchen. We have shifts fixing meals and cleaning up after ourselves. They promised separate housing, but until November, we have to wait for the development of events in Ukraine.”

“In addition, we have five children with various forms of mental retardation. We need not just a place to live but a place where we would have stable access to medical care," said Olga.

And although Europe is really doing everything possible for refugees from Ukraine, not all needs are covered.

"The children attend a local school and learn German.  Maxim attends a special school for children with autism. It is something like remedial classes. He does not receive special therapy. He was prescribed drugs to relieve acute psychosis,” Olga sighed.

“The fact is that there are currently 44 children living here, and imagine how difficult it is for a child with autism. Now Maksym has been ordered to be examined: epilepsy is suspected; maybe the experience in Mariupol provoked it since the boy did not have such attacks before the hostilities," Olga clarified.

And she added, “Of course, we are very grateful for the shelter, because there is nowhere to return to Ukraine at the moment.  "I want to return to Ukraine, but it is not clear where exactly to return. We were sent a video of what remained of our house in Mariupol: two walls and a four-meter gap from an aerial bomb. There is nothing left.” 

The family would like to return to Ukraine to the usual teachers and doctors. But they have to wait:  to wait and monitor the dynamics of Russian aggression in Ukraine.